Jed Clampett and Ellie Mae keep an eye out for revenoors.
Come, listen to my story,
‘Bout a man name Jed,
A poor mountaineer,
Barely kept his family fed.
Then, one day he was shooting for some food,
And out from the brush came a babblin’ fool.
Brooke Rollins… Secretary of Agriculture…
Hey there Jed, you should have no fear,
Got somethin’ for ya, I know you’ll want to hear,
Get yourself some chikin’s and just let ’em roam…
Then, before you know it, they’ll be layin’ white gold.
A little yellow yoke surrounded by a mucous membrane in a hard shell… $9.95 a dozen at Walmart….
Well, those ole’ Rhode Island Reds went on a fearful tear,
And, next thing you know ole’ Jed’s a millionaire,
Kinfolk said, “Jed, move away from there…”
Said, DC. is the place you ought to be,
So they closed up their place and moved to Chevy Chase…
Washington, that is… lobbyists, fat cats, Republican pols… multi-million dollar homes.
Now, ole’ Jed was really on the go,
Even got himself an invite to Mar-a-Lago.
But then Trump hiked tariffs, and the economy fell through…
And, Jed’s entire flock was doomed by bird flu.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. that’s on you!
Now it’s time to say goodbye
To Jed and all his crew,
He’s back in ole’ Kentucky,
Poorer than a shrew.
But Jed would like to thank,
All his DC friends.
You’re all invited to his home,
For a helpin’ of revenge.
And, if you come across him,
huntin’ for some food,
Better be a duckin’
’cause he’s a gunnin’ for you…
That’s double-ought buck shot and 35 grams of black powder packed in a 12-gauge shell. A real hillbilly hello.
Ya’ll don’t come round now, y’hear?
With thanks to Flatt and Scruggs.